“I’ll never forgive myself” – Frustration over ‘ruining everything’ about Everton career

Andy van der Meyde has admitted he will never forgive himself for the way he behaved at Everton or how he ruined his career.

FC Inter News cover comments from the Dutchman today given to Prime, in which he admits he went off the rails during his time at Goodison Park.

Van der Meyde joined Everton in a €9m deal from Inter Milan in July 2005 and arrived with a big reputation after two years with the Italian side.

He was a product of the Ajax academy and had shone in their first team too, with 21 goals and 33 assists in 122 games for the Dutch giants.

He had only impressed in flashes at Inter and that proved to be the case at Everton too, where he managed just four assists and 24 appearances in total over four years before being released on a free in 2009.

His career was done by 2012 and he’s since moved into media, where he has been open about his mistakes and his battles with alcohol and drugs.

Those battles were at their worst during his time at Everton and Van der Meyde is willing to admit as much, going in to detail about what he got up to.

“I ruined everything,” he said.

“My football career was almost over when I went to England, it all ended because I did a lot of stupid things, I was young and with a lot of money, and I had a double life. I cheated on my ex-wife, she didn’t deserve all this, she was a good woman. I gave up my children for someone else. I will never forgive myself for this. Only my fault, I can’t blame anyone else for this.

“I lived in Liverpool, and we went out on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. We drank a lot, and the satisfaction was never enough. When alcohol wasn’t enough for me anymore, I started with drugs, cocaine. I wasn’t myself anymore.

“There were problems with the coach, my private life was complicated. The little princess spent the first three years of her life in hospital. It was all a mix of problems. That’s why everything started to go wrong.

“Then I understood. After two nights in which I was full of cocaine. I called my agent, and I told him I had to go: ‘I want to get out of Liverpool, otherwise I’ll end up killing myself’. My wife, she saved me. If I had had her with me when I was a footballer, I would have been one of the best wingers ever.”