You know you can rely on Sport Witness to translate everything around football news accurately, and that’s why we wanted to share the true meaning of ‘Don Balon’.
Of course, ‘Don’ is actually a prefix, such as ‘Mr’, and ‘Balon’ means ‘ball’, but put the two words together and the more accurate translation of ‘Don Balon’ becomes ‘The most outlandish Spanish transfer nonsense available on the internet today’.
We can’t ignore their claims entirely because they have a habit of leaving Spain and taking tours around the European media, usually finding quite a comfortable home in England.
It’s impossible to forget how, in December of last year, a rumour from ‘Spanish newspaper Don Balon’ ended up on the front page of the Sunday Times’ sport section. That was about Gareth Bale wanting a move to Tottenham, now they reckon it’s Chelsea.
Anyway, not to digress too much, this week they’ve gone so Manchester United crazy that we thought it worthy of a little special.
We’re going to go through the past few days, starting with Friday and retreating. It’s probably not in perfect time order, but this is Don Balon, so accuracy, smaccurracy.
Are you sitting comfortably? Hey, it’s Friday, crack open your chosen poison and enjoy.
‘Bombazo’ shout Don Balon, as they touch upon Spanish claims of Manchester United trying to sign Samuel Umtiti. But, no, that rumour isn’t outlandish enough for them so they say the French defender isn’t who Jose Mourinho really wants from the Camp Nou.
That man is… Marc Andre ter Stegen.
Yep, rather than Umtiti, Mourinho wants Raphael Varane from Real Madrid instead, and would let David de Gea go to Zidane’s club if the defender plus cash was offered.
Manchester United would then offer more than €100m for Ter Stegen, and ‘multiply’ his salary. He’s tempted.
Making Man United Big in Asia
Neymar is negotiating ‘in secret’ to leave PSG, because he’s just realised the club is a step backwards in his career.
Yup, seemingly being completely unawares that PSG, founded after his father was born, isn’t quite as mighty as Barca, Neymar has had an epiphany this week.
Real Madrid don’t want to go above €250m, but Manchester United ‘need a bombshell’ and are prepared to ‘even reach figures above €350m’, aided by Chevrolet.
Th signing would ‘help the Red Devils to grow in the Asian market’, that part of the world where the club are pretty much unknown.
Causing all kinds of eyebrow furrowing at Sport Witness, Don Balon’s Alberto Rambla ends with: ‘A United that has open talks with Neymar Sr. who has already told Florentino Perez that if Brazil does not win the World Cup, his son will leave France.’
Go Get Him Woody!
Despite also having a story on their website today saying Antoine Griezmann to Barcelona is so close that other Blaugrana players are already jealous of his €18m salary, Don Balon aren’t going to stop linking other clubs.
Jose Mourinho is said to have told the powers that be at Manchester United to get into the fight for the Frenchman, and do what it takes to get him signed.
Treason in the Pogwar
Paul Pogba has had enough at Manchester United and wants to leave the club, with Don Balon calling it treason against Mourinho.
The midfielder already regrets having not moved to Real Madrid, and has told those closest to him about the situation.
Mourinho knows and there’s worry it could cause problems in the Old Trafford dressing room.
But Pogba is determined and is willing to take a pay-cut to make his way to the Spanish giants.
David De Gea is putting on one face in public about his Manchester United future, and another one in private, write Don Balon.
The goalkeeper has informed his agent he still wants to sign for Real Madrid, and a message has been to Florentino Perez.
Mourinho has given his ok to the operation, as long as Perez agrees to include one of the following four: Isco, Toni Kroos, Marco Asensio or Raphael Varane.
At his end, Perez is willing to talk about anyone going in return for De Gea, apart from Asensio.
Mourinho hangs the phone up on Dembele chance
Don Balon want to inform us all that Mourinho has no interest in signing Ousmane Dembele for Manchester United.
Sure, the thought may have never entered your head, but just in case it did… it’s not happening.
Mourinho has ‘hung up up the telephone’ on the ‘crack of Barca’ and despite the Frenchman’s ‘desperate’ situation, he won’t be finding salvation at Old Trafford.
Three is a Barca Crowd
Three Barcelona players are negotiating with Mourinho, claim Don Balon.
The players are ‘holding talks’ with Manchester United’s manager, and Mourinho is ‘testing the possibility’ of signing all three.
Marc Andre ter Stegen, Samuel Umtiti, and Andre Gomes.
Yes, Andre Gomes.
Sergio Ramos Knows
Sergio Ramos is said to know David De Gea wants to sign for Real Madrid, and the club captain also knows the goalkeeper’s conditions.
De Gea is ‘like crazy’ to make the move, but not quite crazy enough to be prepared to take the plunge at all costs.
He wants a ‘galactico salary’ and for the club to get rid of Keylor Navas first, so there’s no uncomfortable moments between the two rivals.
Mourinho and Messi Engaged in a Transfer Fight
Lionel Messi and Mourinho have both identified the same young striker for the summer transfer window.
Forget that Messi is not actually a scout, he’s decided Barcelona need to sign Justin Kluivert.
Mourinho wants to ‘rejuvenate’ his Manchester United attacking line-up and has also picked out Kluivert.
There’s more, but Don Balon don’t allow readers to go through stories more than a few days old, we can’t wonder why that may be.
At Sport Witness we’re not entirely convinced Don Balon isn’t some kind of experiment and sooner or later someone will pop up and shout ‘Gotcha’.