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Gareth Bale is going to be leaving Real Madrid at the end of the season.

He’s convinced of it, and so are Don Balon, who take this opportunity to send him to Chelsea in their latest instalment of “let’s find a big name, link him to a big club and see if it sticks enough to make it onto the front page of the Sunday Times sport section again” game.

According to the not-so-believable Spanish website, the Blues are ‘positioning themselves strongly’ to bring the forward in this summer and are ‘ready to put a big amount of money on the table’.

However, and this is the kicker, he isn’t the only Real Madrid star Chelsea want to bring in for next season.

No, one wasn’t enough. Roman Abramovich is greedy and he wants two.

The other one? Isco.

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As both haven’t played that many minutes lately, it must mean they are looking for a way out from the Spanish giants, yet their situations are different.

Real Madrid want to sell Gareth Bale, while the Spaniard is more open to listening to offers, ready to accept a good one if it comes along.

Don Balon explain Chelsea are prepared to offer Isco, and we’re not kidding, this is verbatim, ‘ALL OF THE GOLD’ (minus the caps).

If you’re still with us by this point, this is probably the moment to let you know that there isn’t any indication of fees or valuations in Don Balon’s article. Just vague descriptions of large amounts.

Our conclusion? ALL OF THE BULL.